CULTURAL DIFFERENCES in ATTACHMENT and EMOTION

DR. TRACI accepting her Award for Excellence in Research

 She earned a Bachelor’s Degree at Yale University and became a successful writer, a published author, and an excellent professional editor. Our daughter Traci made us PROUD!

She earned three Masters Degrees: two from Columbia University and one from Rutgers University. Traci made us even PROUDER!

On May 17, 2015, she earned a Doctoral Degree in Clinical Psychology at Rutgers University, the No. 1 public university in the New York – New Jersey Region. But most importantly, to our surprise, Tina and I witnessed her receive the highest award for excellence in research – having written the most outstanding dissertation among those of 46 doctoral graduates. The recognition (including a Cash Award) and her well-written, scholarly and inspiring speech are forever remembered. DR. TRACI made us PROUDEST!

The truth is, our daughter fulfilled what Tina wished and had planned to achieve earlier – a Doctorate in Psychology. Motherhood duties – raising good and responsible children took the opportunity away. DR. TINA would have sounded nice too but DR. T should suffice. After all, she already has a Masters Degree from George Washington University under her belt and an Honorary Doctorate in Motherhood par excellence from the University of Life.

Dr. Traci’s Commencement speech briefly described her award-winning dissertation. I am publishing it here:

“Good morning, Dean Messer, GSAPP faculty, family, friends, and fellow graduates. I am honored and privileged to be receiving the Cyril Franks Award today. I would first like to thank Shalonda Kelly for shaping me into the clinical psychologist I am today, and Karen Riggs Skean for her guidance in the conceptualization of this dissertation. I would also like to thank my parents for their endless support, and my husband, Jason, who deserves an honorary doctorate for walking alongside me these past five years.

As my fellow graduates can attest, starting a dissertation is not easy, and choosing a topic is often the hardest part. So, I looked to my own life, and decided to conduct an unofficial, makeshift pilot study--of my marriage. Unbeknownst to my husband, I began to gather data on our arguments, which intrigued me the most. And I noticed that we would get stuck in the same argument over and over again. No matter what we were fighting about, how we fought stayed the same. (I am sure no one in the audience can relate to this.) It seemed like we were speaking two different languages--two different languages of emotional connection. Whereas Jason needed to verbally express his emotions in the moment, I needed to process my emotions inside first. Whereas Jason felt comforted by my words, I felt comforted by his touch. My data were further corroborated when I compared our family gatherings. For my tempered, Filipino-American family, gatherings involved sitting around a table focused on a competitive game of Texas Hold’em, or taking turns performing eighties pop on a karaoke machine. My family connected through engaging in an activity together, content in simply being in one another’s presence. For Jason’s energetic, Italian-American family, gatherings involved storytelling. Everyone told stories--sometimes the same story over and over again. His family connected verbally, by reminiscing together. Our different ways of connecting originated from the two distinct cultures that shaped us. So when we tried to connect, we used our own respective languages, without realizing we had each stepped foot into foreign territory.

I began to wonder whether there existed a universal language of connection, and ultimately found my way to emotionally focused couples therapy, or EFT. With its foundations in attachment theory, EFT is based in the universal idea that as human beings, in order to feel secure enough to explore the world, we are all hard-wired to seek safety and emotional connection with another human being, be it our caregivers when we are babies, or our partners in our intimate relationships. EFT is an evidence-based treatment supported by RCTs on predominantly White couples in the U.S. and Canada. Yet while EFT is utilized by couple therapists worldwide, there exists no research on its cross-cultural application. When it comes to finding that universal language of connection, I wondered whether EFT might be on to something. So I decided to find out.

For my dissertation study, I interviewed nine EFT therapists across the world about their experiences using EFT with intercultural couples. I asked them how their own cultures impacted their experiences of connection and emotion, and how and when cultural differences arise in treatment. I also asked whether they found EFT to be helpful with intercultural couples or whether they needed to modify the treatment in order to make room for cultural differences. What I found was this: First, EFT is helpful with intercultural couples because of its grounding in the universal attachment framework, as well as its emphasis on openness, curiosity, and vulnerability. Second, even these therapists who work regularly with intercultural couples do not explore how their own cultures shape their understanding of emotional connection, and how in turn this understanding impacts the therapy, and they were pleased that the interviews allowed them to consider these influences. Third, therapists find it necessary to explicitly address cultural differences, as often these differences are similarly outside of client awareness, yet have an undeniable impact on emotional connection. Finally, they find that helping intercultural couples to address their differences helps the couples to understand, celebrate, and integrate their respective cultures, further deepening their connection. Overall, I found that at its core, EFT, with its attachment focus, shows promise as an effective treatment for intercultural couples, provided that it is enhanced by multicultural models that explicitly address cultural differences.

What I’ve learned from the results of my study is something that I hope we can all keep in mind as we begin our careers as psychologists helping at-risk, underserved populations: That whether we are sitting across from a playful child, a battling married couple, or a tormented adult, what we all have in common is a hard-wired longing to feel safe and connected to another person. How we and our clients each express this longing is shaped by our cultural maps, and it is through giving voice to all of these overlapping maps that we can all learn to speak a universal language of connection.  THANK YOU! “

GERRY JUMAT: Embodiment of Christian-Muslim Democracy

Bantayog Ng Mga Bayani is the institution that honors the “Heroes and Martyrs of the struggle against dictatorship in the Philippines (1972-1986). Prominently honored by Bantayog were the late Raul S. Manglapus, Bonifacio Gillego, and Gaston Ortigas.

Manglapus was the founding President of the Movement for a Free Philippines (MFP);Gillego was MFP’s Director of Intelligence, Research and Development; and Ortigas was MFP’s Executive Director. MFP is historically dubbed as the 20^thCentury equivalent of the Propaganda Movement – the group that kept the fires burning as it exposed the atrocities and evils of the Marcos dictatorship.  It is credited for convincing the United States to give up Marcos as its puppet for as historically discovered and proven by its own records, that the latter was a Fake Hero.

Unbeknownst to many, the ability and success of MFP’s three top propagandists for Freedom were due to the significant contribution of one man I call the embodiment of Christian-Muslim democracy. His name is GERRY JUMAT!

Manglapus could not have founded the MFP and led it more effectively and efficiently had his family not escaped from Marcos’ hold. Colonel Gillego who was an expert on Psywar, intelligence and military organizational techniques; and AIM (AsianInstitute of Management) Dean and Engineer Ortigas who earned his DBA (Doctorate in Business Administration) from Harvard, and was an expert in business organizational development, also escaped to join Manglapus in the struggle.

The escapes with all the risks involved actually helped change the course of Philippine history. For this, we owe recognition, recording, and publication of Gerry Jumat’s role for an event so historic in significance! My posts in both mainstream and social media hope to partially fulfill that responsibility.

Gerry Jumat joined the GOD Almighty and his late wife Boots Ayson Jumat only a few days ago. Tina and I will be with their son Wally, daughter Lara and her spouse Ervin with their children tonight. We will be expressing our condolences and joining them in prayers as Gerry enters the Gates of Heaven.

Gerry was my partner. We led our respective families together in our escape to freedom and to join the struggle for the restoration of democracy. Together, we braved the armed pirates in the high seas amidst the discomforts of rain, storm, and thunder. Together, we faced a Malaysian government who was initially suspicious of our presence in the island of Sabah – a territory that the Philippines still claims its own then and today. Together, we faced a US government that initially opposed our entry to the Land of the Free and of the Brave for fear of hurting its relationship with a dictator. Together, we fought for a movement that believed in Christian-Muslim democracy, in the creation of a society “based on human dignity, built on justice and dedicated to progress.”

As we raised our children in the United States, I gained access to a series of confidential cables that the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia sent to then Secretary of State Henry Kissinger about me and Gerry during our escape. I will reprint the cable on Gerry as a Tribute as well as to show the importance of our escape.

“JUMAT--   WAS A DEVELOPMENT PROJECT OFFICER FOR ADMIRAL ESPALDON'S COMMISSION FOR WESTERN MINDANAO BECAUSE HE WAS ONE OF THE FEW EDUCATED MOROS AVAILABLE FOR THAT PURPOSE. A CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM, HE ATTENDED AND GRADUATED FROM NOTRE DAME COLLEGE IN JOLO IN 1965 WHERE HE FIRST ENCOUNTERED MAYNIGO AND BECAME INVOLVED WITH THE CSM IN SEPT 1965 HE ENTERED THE OBLATE SEMINARY AT TEWKSBURY, MASS, AFTER WHICH HE ATTENDED AND GRADUATED FROM OBLATE COLLEGE AT 391 MICHIGAN AVE., N.E., IN WASHINGTON.

JUMAT WAS ORDAINED IN THE U.S. MAY 20, 1971, THEN RETURNED TO MINDANAO WHERE HE FIRST WAS STATIONED IN COTABATO. IN EARLY 1973 HE WAS MADE VICE PRESIDENT OF NOTRE DAME IN JOLO AND IN THAT YEAR HE MET AND MARRIED HIS WIFE, MARIA TERESA AYSON, WHO HERSELF HAS ALONG HISTORY OF STUDENT ACTIVISM AGAINST CORRUPTION AND AGAINST THE MARCOS REGIME. FOR EXAMPLE, HE SAID THAT IN 1971-72 SHE LED A CAMPAIGN AGAINST THECORRUPT CRISOLOGO FAMILY, MARCOS ALLIES IN ILOCOS, WHICH ALMOST LED TO THE CONVICTION AND JAILING OF BINGBONG (SIC) CRISOLOGO AND WHICH EMBARRASSED MARCOS.

IN 1973 MRS. JUMAT WAS PERMITTED TO GO TO A FRIEDRICH-EBERT FOUNDATION SEMINAR IN WEST GERMANY BUTEARLY THIS YEAR WHEN SHE APPLIED TO GO TO A FOLLOW-UP MEETING TO BE HELD ININDONESIA PERMISSION TO DEPART WAS DENIED AND HER PASSPORT WAS CONFISCATED BY INTELLIGENCE OFFICERS OF THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY.

LATER THIS YEAR JUMAT HIMSELF WAS WARNED BY RELATIVES IN THE ARMY THAT HE WAS BEING CLOSELY WATCHED AND LIKELY WOULD BE ARRESTED. BOTH HE AND HIS WIFE WERE ACTIVE IN THE ANTI-REFERENDUM CAMPAIGN AND WERE KNOWN TO BE ASSOCIATING WITH BOTH CATHOLIC OPPOSITIONISTS AND WITH PEOPLE WHO SYMPATHIZED WITH THE MUSLIM SECCESSIONIST EFFORT. (JUMAT SAID A COUSIN IS WITH MNLF CHIEF NUR MISUARI IN LIBYA.)

HE ALSO CLAIMS THAT HIS KEY ROLE IN SPIRITING MRS. MANGLAPUS AND CHILDREN FROM ZAMBOANGO BY AIR TO SITANGKAY ISLAND AND THEN TO TAWAU BY KUMPIT HAD BECOME KNOWN TO THE AUTHORITIES. THEREFORE, HE ARRANGED FOR HIS AND MAYNIGO'S FAMILIES TO FOLLOWTHE SAME ROUTE.

7. COMMENT. BOTH MAYNIGO AND JUMAT ARE PERSONABLE, WELL EDUCATED FILIPINOS WHO SEEMED TO BE TELLING THE TRUTH. THEY WERE CONSIDERABLY DISTRESSED WHEN THE EMBASSY OFFICER WHO INTERVIEWED THEM EXPLAINED THAT THE U.S. NORMALLY EXTENDED POLITICAL ASYLUM ONLY TO PERONS WHO HAD ALREADY EXTERED THE U.S. LEGALLY AND FACED ARREST OR PERSECUTION IF THEY RETURNED HOME. HE AND A CONSULAR OFFICER ALSO NOTEDTHAT ON THE SURFACE NEITHER JUMAT NOR MAYNIGO HAD A GOOD CHANCE OF QUALIFYING FOR IMMIGRANT STATUS.WHEN IT WAS POINTED OUT THAT IN FACT ASYLUM ALREADY SEEMED TO HAVE BEEN EXTENDED BY MALAYSIA, MAYNIGO REPLIED THAT HE DIDN'T THINK THE GOM WOULD PERMIT THEM TO STAY. THEY WERE INFORMED THAT THEIR REQUEST FOR ASYLUM WOULD BEFORWARDED TO WASHINGTON. DATA FROM VISA APPLICATIONS BEING SENT SEPTEL.

8. ACTION. PLEASE INSTRUCT.
UNDERHILL

CONFIDENTIAL”

We were eventually paroled into the US as political refugees and granted political asylum later.

Gerry helped design an escape and exit route for freedom fighters during critical times in our history. It was a straight path to righteousness (Daang Matuwid). But I find no better formula or path than the life he fathomed for himself and his family.From poverty to education, to faith, to freedom and justice – and most importantly, what a nice way to go to your Maker, RESTING in PEACE! He died while sleeping.

Goodbye, PARTNER!

MayPac: Fleece, Flee, Flight or Filth of the Century?

“Fight of the Century”

The Mayweather-Pacquiao (MayPac) boxing battle was billed as a mega fight – in fact, the “Fight of the Century”.  The fact that we are only 15 years into the 21^st Century limits its vast claim but it also presumes that it would take another 85 years to top it. But it is also touted as a “mega” fight. So, its size or magnitude is assumed to be so large as it is factored to the millionth degree.

In short, both Mayweather and Pacquiao were expected to perform in this fight, substantially (if not a million times) better than their respective average achievements in the past. Records show the following:

PUNCHES thrown per fight (Career): Mayweather: 468; Pacquiao: 792.

(Against common opponents): May: 510; Pac: 680.4; Connected: May: 210; Pac: 225.6.

JABS thrown: May: 236.4; Pac: 315; Connected: May: 86.4; Pac: 50.4.

POWER Punches thrown: May: 273.6; Pac: 364.8; Connected: May: 122.4; Pac: 175.

Like the others, I would measure the “meganess” of the fight against the career as well as their records against common opponents.

In the last century, I have seen some that were also billed as “mega” fights like those of the Ali-Frazier battles to the finish especially the “Thrilla in Manila”. It was therefore not surprising for me to get hooked to the hype that MayPac would even be better. To guarantee full and clear viewing, I decided to forego streaming as I have done in previous Pacquiao fights and pay in full the Pay Per View fees.

“Fleece of the Century”

Boxing fans had been waiting for more than 5 years for this fight to happen. Mayweather had been accused of ducking it for some time but finally agreed under certain terms. The term used in the barbershop for Mayweather’s acquiescence was  “Fleece” it to the mega degree. Pacquiao’s camp agreed to all the terms demanded by Mayweather including a lopsided 60-40 sharing in the latter’s favor and MGM in Las Vegas as the site of the event.

Fight fans including me paid $100 (more than the usual) to watch the bout. HBO and Showtime reported in record numbers individual PPV buys. I understand that both were even “crowing that this haul was bigger than the GDP of 29 countries.”

The fight having gone the distance, MayPac did split earnings of at least $150,000 per second. Mayweather fleeced at least $180 million while Pacquiao easily cleared $120 million in this bout. Obviously, many more involved in the Sin City were “pleased” with this “fleeced” event.

“Flight of the Century”

I watched the fight live and recorded it in my DVR. I watched it again twice more in slow motion and without the pro-Mayweather biased commentaries later. It was definitely not the “mega” fight that promoters touted. Mayweather did not fight like a champion. In both regular and slow motion, I saw a fighter fleeing, running and flying away fearing to be hit. His supposed defensive genius consisted disappointingly of hugging, holding, hitting, and then, running.

The official record says that Mayweather threw a total of 435 punches – way below his record of 510 against common opponents with Pacquiao. He supposedly connected 148 punches – way below his record of 210. 

How could he throw and land more punches when he wasted so much time, hugging, holding, and running away? The sad thing was, the public paid $150,000 for every second that Mayweather was NOT fighting in the ring – and these were many and long. In one round, his hugging and fleeing lasted about 10 seconds straight and the public paid $1.5 million for such a travesty!

“Filth of the Century”

My barber emphatically said, “Face it. It is Las Vegas, Nevada – the Sin City. Name it, every sin you can think of has been committed there. Different kinds of Lords dominate – not the kind that Pacquiao prays to but to the Lords of gambling and other vices.”

According to the records, Pacquiao also performed at subpar levels. Expected to throw at least 680 or even 792 punches, he supposedly threw only 429. 

Why? First, every time he cornered Mayweather, the latter kept hugging and holding him. Second, Mayweather kept fleeing to avoid Pacquiao’s punches. The latter utterly failed to catch the former. Third, Pacquiao failed to follow up his flurries by backing out after. Fourth, Pacquiao was actually suffering from a right shoulder injury – thus, preventing him from pursuing Mayweather more aggressively.

The fourth bothered me the most. Team Pacquiao is now saying that in a series of incidents before the fight, the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC) was favoring Mayweather in the fight. First, a source said that the commission refused to grant Pacquiao’s request to have painkillers injected into his injured right shoulder. Second, the commission also refused to allow his handlers to bring into his locker room on fight day his water, sports drink (Red Bull) and multivitamin supplement (Pharmaton). Third, on several occasions, the NSAC entertained complaints by Mayweather about Pacquiao’s gloves, his hand tapes and groin guard – “playing mind games” with Pacquiao. Fourth, Freddie Roach also revealed that the US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) had taken blood samples of Pacquiao a total of 13 times since the latter agreed to the drug-testing protocols according to the conditions imposed by Mayweather in their fight contract. USADA would not reveal how many times Mayweather was tested, Roach said.

The right shoulder injury of Pacquiao was hidden from the public. According to NSAC Chair Francisco Aguilar, Team Pacquiao did not make a formal request for the injections and that a verbal request was made less than two hours before the fight. He also said, the Pacquiao camp showed no proof of injury. Furthermore, the injury was not reported in the medical questionnaire filed by Team Pacquiao during weigh-in, according to Aguilar.

“Full Disclosure”

I am sure that Pacquiao’s injury could be proven. An MRI was taken and a medical report easily obtained. But that is not the point. Millions of people worldwide invested time, effort, and money to watch two champions at their best.

The likes of Mark Wahlberg, Filipino Congressmen, and many more definitely gambled their money convinced that Pacquiao would be fighting at 100% as he claimed. Even ordinary men and women paid hard-earned money thinking that Pacquiao was fighting at his best.

Pacquiao and his camp’s failure to fully disclose his health condition prevented the public from making a wise discernment involving the fight.

This is not just an entertainment where one can say, “sick or not, the show must go on” so as not to disappoint the fans. This is one show where the outcome is based not only on skill but also most especially, on strength and health.

Failure to disclose the facts or to cancel and postpone the event makes Team Pacquiao as guilty as those desiring to make money soonest with Money Mayweather at the expense of an unknowing public.

“Final Judgment”

The decision was unanimous for the Red Corner. The official score card of the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC) shows Glenn Feldman scoring 116 for the Red Corner and 112 for the Blue Corner; Burt Clements scoring 116 for the Red Corner and 112 Blue Corner; and Dave Moretti giving 118 to the Red Corner and 110 to the Blue Corner. Moretti was way off. He should be banned from judging!

Although officially, the Red Corner was that of Pacquiao and the Blue Corner that of Mayweather, the announcement still declared Mayweather the winner.

Pacquiao thought he won the fight. Former World Heavyweight Champion Evander Holyfield also claims Pacquiao won. Respected Sports writer Jeff Powell scored it as a Draw. He says, “Neither did enough to win it. Money (Mayweather) ran, Manny (Pacquiao) couldn’t catch him.”

After watching it 3 times, I also think that Pacquiao won. To verify, please watch the fight again. Pay more attention to Rounds 3, 11 & 12. There is no way that any judge could have scored these rounds for Mayweather.  I counted in slow motion the punches thrown and landed. It was impossible for Mayweather to have thrown and landed more punches while hugging, holding, and running.

A case could be made for a rematch but if Pacquiao is as beholden to God as he claims to be, perhaps it is time to move on to other things. Let Mayweather face final judgment for his own misdeeds.